Bottom line: Do you employ a boy or girl whose sole purpose is to open bottles of expensive wine so you don't cut yourself on the foil? Well, fire that useless knob because the Eccentric's Wine Steward Eliminator just took their job.
This eight-foot-tall, Rube Goldberg machine is made from 300 moving parts of "ancient iron" (read: reclaimed iron) and will both pop open a bottle of the sweet grape and pour it for you. Just read the description:
"Turning a hand crank engages a set of gears, chains, and levers that lower a corkscrew into a bottle’s cork until the ding of a bell and a blacksmith’s hammer swings down to lock off the handle and initiate the pouring sequence. A giant clock spring and an Elizabethan cannonball wound up by the uncorking cycle release to raise and tilt the bottle into a horizontal position. The rate of pour is marshalled by a spinning, weighted governor made from old steam engine spanners."
Each one of these ridiculously expensive items is handmade and unique and weighs a ton. But who cares about the weight or practicality of this thing. Just look at how much fun that man is having. He's clapping! Don't you want to be clapping? You can for the price of a house.