These 23 Funny Doormats Are Too Hilarious Not to Buy
Doormats aren't very exciting purchases to make. They're just boring, scratchy rugs to wipe your feet on. Until now, that is.
Someone with a sense of humor decided to bring some life back to the doormat industry with witty messages, pop culture references and not-so-polite requests for everyone to go away. They add some levity to your Amazon driver's weekly routine, which they totally need.
We had a hard time picking just 23, but these were some of our absolute favorite hilarious doormats.
If the Answer Is No, Why Are You Even Here?
Why you need it: At this point, calling first is standard practice. Or it should be, anyway. What kind of psychopath just shows up? This hilarious doormat makes it abundantly clear where you stand on the issue. Its heavy duty bristles are tough enough to keep mud out of your entryway, too.
Review: “I was skeptical to buy due to lack of reviews compared to similar items but am very happy with this mat. It is thick with a heavy rubber backing. It came rolled up in a box but laid flat quickly and did not have a strong odor. The material is exactly as expected. Tough and dense and the lettering stands out really well. Will update review if we run into any issues with letters wearing or if it does not weather well but so far highly recommend!” — AL
Buy now: Mainevent Did You Call First Doormat, $23.94
A Doormat for People Who Love Dad Jokes and Gardening
Why you need it: Dads need someone to appreciate their sense of humor. Sometimes, that someone is a literal doormat. The punniness of this mat in particular is arguably much better than the average dad joke, so consider this as a gift option for your millennial friends who've suddenly become obsessed with houseplants.
Review: No reviews yet, but we think it's worth a gamble.
Buy now: Leumius Sometimes I Wet My Plants 2 Welcome Doormat, $14.90
Note: Does Not Apply to Doordashers
Why you need it: This certainly puts the fun in functional. If someone you don't like keeps ringing the bell, just point to the mat through the window. Plus, those who make the cut and are invited in have something sturdy to wipe their feet on.
Review: “This is hands down the best thing I could have bought for my house. Do I like visitors?? NO. Does this mat make that extra clear?? YES. I don't even like when my own family shows up and now they and all other strangers can look down and be forewarned. It's really helped people understand the attitude they get before I even open the door. Of course, the only person it doesn't apply to is my UPS driver ... bless his soul." — Amanda Wiley
Buy now: BirdRock Home Go Away Coir Doormat, $24.86
A Funny Doormat for Halloween and/or Cat People
Why you need it: If you're thinking about buying this mat for someone, we'd argue that they've probably already crossed that bridge. How many cats count as too many? Three? Five? Does it matter if you're fostering them "temporarily?" Regardless, the cat person in your life needs this. Even if that cat person is you.
Review: “Very nice mat, but the eyes are a very bright yellow and the paint a little off. But it's at a back door and gets a lot of wear, so I'm sure it won't be bright long!” — Mycats
Buy now: Birdrock Home One Cat Short Coir Doormat, $24.96
Honesty Is the Best Policy
Why you need it: There are two types of families: The kind who wears pants in the house, and the kind that does not. The latter tends to show up at the homes of the former unannounced. You can see why this might be an issue. That's where this doormat comes in. It gives fair warning, and it serves as a reminder for morning people not to barge in at 9 a.m. on a Saturday.
Review: “My Amazon Prime purchases were being delivered to my address, but in the building across the street, the front office advised I have some 'distinctive decoration' on my doorstep to make the Amazon photo delivery confirmations easier to recognize. (The apartment entries are identical in both buildings.) It seems to have worked. Also, I am frequently pantless at home.” — Bradley
Buy now: Muikoo Hold On We're Probably Not Wearing Pants Funny Doormat, $24.99
Definitely Not. Just an Ordinary Doormat.
Why you need it: You definitely don't have a trap door hiding a moat. Absolutely not. And you absolutely do not need a clever decoy to distract that neighbor who keeps trying to get you involved in a beauty product pyramid scheme. Not at all. This doormat says, "There's nothing to see here!"
Review: “The mat is not as thick or abrasive as hoped. However, it is the perfect size to cover our trapdoor. We enjoy looking as the laughter turns to screams when unwelcome callers drop into the gator pit. Just to assure people who may be horrified by the previous comments, our gators are very friendly and offer towels and hugs.” — Elizabeth Keep
Buy now: Momobo Funny Doormat with Rubber Back, $25.99
The Doormat for People Who Love Roasting Friends
Why you need it: Experts say that everyone has a love language. Some people respond best to acts of service. Others respond better to words of affirmation. Then, there's the opposite group. (One that's not officially listed, but totally exists.) They're the lunatics (i.e., comedic geniuses) who show their love by roasting the living heck out of the ones they love.
This mat is the G-rated version. For the real thing, try this one.
Review: Four five-star ratings, but no reviews yet!
Buy now: Dandan Funny Welcome Mat Monogram Rug, $29.97
For Those Who Get Too Many Door-to-Door Salesmen...
Why you need it: Simplicity is beautiful, isn't it? Why say more when a single word will suffice? This mat is also made of eco-friendly coir and has more than 100 rave reviews.
Review: “I've had no visitors. It works. Now leave me alone.” — Bryan K
Buy now: UncommonDoormats Leave Doormat, $34.50
These Are the Bare Essentials, Right?
Why you need it: There's no shortage of funny doormats that impart the message of "please get away from me," but this one makes sure that the people you do love know the message doesn't apply to them. No, not your family members. The saints who deliver your snacks, duh.
Review: “It is as pictured, just keep in mind it’s not a traditional outdoor mat. It has the consistency of more of a bathmat, but it still gets the job done, and it's cute!” — LaQawzia
Buy now: Ruiyida If You're Pizza Wine We're Home Funny Doormat, $24.99
We've Never Seen a More Accurate Doormat
Why you need it: Aren't all of these funny doormats about being straightforward? It's funny, and it's a good practice. It's your home.
Not everyone deserves to be in it, and not everyone who does has earned the right to stay all day. This mat keeps everyone on their (now clean) toes.
Review: “Great for a needed laugh. Well packaged. Came rolled up and was a perfect size.” — William Keeby
Buy now: Or Something Coir Doormat, $34.99
Hilarious Doormat. Unless They Actually Have One.
Why you need it: The grumpy old man vibes are strong with this one. Works on solicitors, annoying neighbors and in-laws that won't leave you alone. We can't guarantee it'll work on the police, but if a cop is at your door, you probably have bigger things to worry about than your doormat.
Review: “This says everything I want to say to everyone I don't know. Good value if it lasts, I won't post here again unless it wears out ... Functional and attractive ... we should all aspire to be such a thing.” — J
Buy now: Ninamar Door Mat Come Back with a Warrant Natural Coir, $22.99
A Doormat for Nerds
Why you need it: Because no one said it better than Gandalf. You shall not pass until you wipe off your nasty shoes, precious. Ringwraiths and balrogs probably won't bother reading the mat, but it should work fine for hobbits and the mailman.
Review: “This doormat is so awesome people will want to steal it off of your front porch ... and they did. Great product, people suck.” — Daron Maquez
Buy now: GetDigital Doormat You Shall Not Pass, $30.99
A Doormat for Nerds: Gaming Edition
Why you need it: Come on, is this not the perfect gift for a Nintendo fan? It's super cute, functional and thick enough to get off all the dirt.
Review: “Purchased for my boyfriend, as he loves Zelda and the old-school games we grew up with. This was a great addition to our entryway to ensure both of us have a presence in our house. It gives me a smile every time I come home or leave, as it helps remind me of all the fun times I had when playing those games as a kid.” — Nicole B
Buy now: getDigital Your Princess is in Another Castle Funny Welcome Doormat, $34.99
A Song for '90s Rap Fans With a Sense of Humor
Why you need it: This is a shoutout to a rap song from 1995 by Coolio. It was a mega hit, and this fun, floral doormat will be, too.
Review: “In love with this welcome mat! Very bright and well made. Thinner than a typical mat, but stays put and hasn’t stained at all yet. Would definitely buy again.” — Hannah M.
Buy now: ZBLX Funny Text Doormat, $17.99
Sometimes, the Funniest Doormats Are Short and Sweet
Why you need it: Some of us are very directionally challenged. For those who routinely forget where they parked, having clear directions can be a big help. This is Exhibit A.
Review: “We bought this not for the functionality, which is great, but because our toddler wouldn't come to our apartment door. Instead, she would stand at our neighbor's door. She has a cool teal one. So, it cleans your shoes but also, and most importantly, it lures your child to her own house.” — Jedeluna2
Buy now: Calloway Mills Hi Bye Doormat, $18.21
This One Gets Straight to the Point
Why you need it: The list covers almost everything. If you don't use Instacart and exclusively order tacos, your bases are covered. Annoyingly, the people who ignore the message are probably the ones who need to obey it the most.
Review: "Had my family in stitches! Can't wait to gauge the neighbors' reactions!” — W. Mosley
Buy now: Bxbcasehomemat Unless You Have Tacos Go Away Doormat, $28.83
A Funny Doormat for Parents ... or a Warning? You Tell Us.
Why you need it: Have you ever had someone over who can't seem to handle the screaming? Or the stickiness of, well, everything? Or someone who scans the room "subtly," making note of the pile of unfolded laundry on the couch and the spilled water by the dog dish?
People without kids don't always get it. Home is where the heart is, but it's also where you live. And life with kids tends to be chaotic. This funny doormat is a reminder and a warning in one.
Review: “This grass mat is heavier than my old one and wider. Top-quality and cuteness as well. I am very pleased with the mat and the price is great.” — Pirate Patty Reviews
Buy now: Mainevent Hope You Like Kids Doormat, $22.94
A Doormat for Dog Lovers
Why you need it: Admittedly, this mat isn't designed to scrape off wet, muddy or slushy boots. If you live in a sunny place where that's not an issue, this is a fabulous present for your favorite dog person.
It's also helpful for delivery folks who might want a heads up if you have an intimidating pup — or an entire pack of them. (As if the barking won't give them fair warning.)
Review: “Cute mat — it came folded in half, but the crease was out of it within the first week of being on our door stoop.” — Macy
Buy now: Ruiyida Just So You Know There's Like A Bunch Of Dogs In Here Entrance Floor Mat, $25.01
Sir, This Is a Chili's
Why you need it: It started with a humble Vine. The content creator who produced it actually passed away in 2021, so what better way to honor his humor than by slapping it down where everyone will see it? Plenty of people won't get the reference, but it's funny anyway. Unless you actually live in a Chili's, of course, in which case it's even funnier.
Review: “Great quality. Arrived quickly. Super fun words and design. Exactly as pictured.” — Abby Baker
Buy now: Lhmuyu Hi Welcome to Chilis Welcome Mat with Rubber Backing, $31.99
But Doesn't That Give It Away?
Why you need it: It might not seem like a legitimate request, but some delivery guys actually take this one seriously. Here's proof!
For anyone who has accidentally handed over half their salary to Jeff Bezos or spends so much time online shopping that they might as well become an influencer at this point, this doormat is perfect.
Review: “We loved the mats! They are outside of the front and kitchen door. Also, I have a dog; the dogs love it and so do we. They feel quite nice on your feet, too, and our dogs approve.” — Leann Jupina
Buy now: Muikoo Please Hide Packages from Husband Rubber Non-Slip Backing Funny Doormat, $24.99
Again, Doormats Based on Brutal Honesty Are Premium
Why you need it: Think it sounds lazy? It's not. It's real. The first kid gets a custom-made photo album organized by month and milestone. The third has a Google photos album with their name as the title. In lowercase.
It's not that you could care less, it's just that the amount of time you have is inversely proportional to the amount of offspring you have accumulated. Your priorities shift to keeping them loved, alive and (mostly) clean. The mess truly can wait. This doormat just informs your guests of where you stand on the issue.
Review: No reviews ... yet.
Buy now: Eprocase Funny Doormat Please Excuse The Mess, $26.99
Visitors, Read and Take Note.
Why you need it: Contrary to popular belief, introverts do like people. We simply like people in small doses. Sometimes, we even like having guests over. It's fun. The problem arises when we suddenly realize we are out-peopled for the day. It's time for them to leave, but we're reluctant to come out and say it.
We'd prefer if they just got the hint, but they seem to not notice that we're becoming progressively less responsive to human interaction. This doormat communicates our wishes for us. Hopefully, they realize we're not actually joking.
Review: “Perfect! Looks amazing, and I get lots of comments on it.” — Amazon Customer
Buy now: Flocked Coir Doormat - Funny (Mi Casa ES Su Casa Until 9PM), $39.00
Only Get This Doormat If You Know Your Neighbors Well
Why you need it: It's a doormat that likes to be dirty. How perfect is that? That's literally what it's made for. It's wholesome if you think about it. A nice, friendly doormat that likes doing it's job. Why, what did you think it was referring to?
Review: “I love this outdoor rug. It makes me laugh every time I walk through my front door after a hard day, and I hope it brings some humor to delivery drivers or anyone else that comes to visit me.” — Steener
Buy now: Juvale I Like It Dirty Welcome Mat for Front Door, Natural Coir, $16.99