27 Funniest Questions Asked at Work
Let us tell you a story: Once upon a time, before the pandemic, people went to the office every day. They did their work, conversed with their colleagues, went to lunch and drinks together, and more or less worked for the common goals of the company. Whether they were separated by office doors or cubicles or simply worked in a large open space, the office provided a sense of community — as well as a paycheck.
In those oh-so-distant (and possibly returning?) times, we spent so much of our waking lives in the office. So did these Twitter users, who tweeted some of the most bizarre, yet hilarious, questions about work life. As Michael Scott, the surly boss from “The Office,” would say, “I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
Whatever you say, boss!
Disturb Me Not
Anyone whose IM program at work always says “do not disturb” is either taking lengthy naps in the parking lot or just doesn’t want to pull his weight for the team.
Here’s a hint: Walk over to the person’s cubicle and disturb away.
Welcome to Paradise
Yes, the bathroom is everyone’s oasis at work.
Now, That’s Hot!
At first glance, @Stefan_Amaral’s citing 39 degrees as “scorching hot” seems ironic, but a little digging leads us to the conclusion that @Stefan_Amaral is Canadian, where they use that Celsius scale we hear so much about in the United States.
We’ve done the conversion for you: 39 degrees Celsius is 102.2 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s reason enough to stay home, especially with you living on the “temperate” Vancouver Island.
Post-It Paul and Paula
Some coworkers simply refuse to enter the 21st century and send an email or instant message rather than walking a Post-It note to someone’s desk and leaving it on their computer monitor.
Especially if the monitor is blank, meaning the person is somewhere no Post-It note could locate them.
Sure, Snooze Away
We all know that tech support takes their sweet time in fixing anything.
So, if you’re in need of a new work computer, @TheEnforcer_87, your best bet might be to grab your favorite teddy, put your sleeping hat on and catch your z’s while you wait.
Hmmm... we get what you're doing there, @EddieJMyer. But, if you’re in the office on Memorial Day, chances are you didn’t get the memo that it’s a federal holiday.
So, wish the darkened office, with the AC turned off for the holiday, a lovely Memorial Day. Then go home; it’s a holiday!
P Is for ‘Please Don’t’
@labergee appears to be among the male of the species and thus should not be found anywhere near the women’s restroom for any number of reasons. Just because they have toilets doesn’t mean you can use them.
You should have learned this back in kindergarten.
Whining About ‘Wine-ing’
Hmm, if you have to ask if it’s too early to have a drink, you, uh, might have a problem. Especially if you’re bringing booze to the office.
On second thought, open that baby up and spread the cheer among your colleagues. It’ll make the day go a lot faster and boost morale … but slow productivity.
Sweeping Up the Office Chimney
Fine, some people still smoke and go outside the office to light up. But then the rest of us still have to inhale the fumes when Barry returns to his desk.
Explain to us how this is preferable to cologne and perfume!
@sushipyjamas sure has her priorities straight. For anyone wondering, New Zealand, being in the Southern Hemisphere, has seasons precisely opposite to America’s, meaning their summer starts in December and ends around March. Not a bad time to ski, we suppose, but someone should @sushipyjamas that, just like in the Northern Hemisphere, skiing doesn’t happen in summer!
But we like her ambition for getting a creative snow day off work.
Getting ‘Wind’ of a Conference Room
We get it, body functions happen every hour of the day, whether or not you’re at the office. Sometimes, you gotta let rip a really noisy one, but for the love of all that is holy, TAKE IT TO THE BATHROOM!!! Do not — repeat, do not — do this in a shared conference room @cox_jim.
Secondly, if you’re ever found out, you can bet another coworker will fart in your lunchbox. Just sayin’.
Right on Time
Let’s get real: Absolutely no one is seated at their desk, all programs launched and “ready” to work right at 9 a.m.
And what else are you supposed to do while firing up your email and other business software than take to Twitter, where you can do things like research the biggest boogers ever found … uh, we mean the funniest questions asked at work.
Does This Person Work in a Piercing Parlor?
If tweeter @vaughndavis has any job other than in a body parlor, then he’s in need of a serious visit from HR to get his life straightened out.
Maybe where you work it’s common parlance to discuss piercings at the office, but our boss is a bit more of a hard case.
You Are What You Wear
We should all tell @SnarkySteff that guys aren’t exactly famous for “relaxing,” at work or otherwise.
And even if they were, we doubt highly that the fellas at her office would be caught dead wearing something from the fictitious “RELAX” line, no matter if it’s “trendy” or made by the Gap.
Try the Kitchen? The Breakroom? The Garage?
Whether or not you’re employed as a janitor, chances are that sooner or later someone at the office is going to make an absolute mess and spill their cherry Kool-Aid frosted banana pretzel cake all over Suzy’s desk.
Thus, it’s a good idea to know in advance where to find the cleanup supplies because we’ll let you in on a little secret: The janitor doesn’t typically come in until after hours!
Is This Really Work-Related?
Maybe @Kevin_Slack is a film publicist or has some other “industry” job wherein he gets paid to ask questions like this.
But if he was any kind of cinephile, he’d surely know that Sundance long ago lost its “independent” streak and is now about as chock full of A-list stars as the Oscars.
Accidents on the high seas can be very costly, both in terms of lost productivity and, sometimes, even lost personnel. Various ports are notorious for their foggy banks, so it’s best to take the conservative approach, @ryanpatey.
Drop anchor and balance your checkbook while you wait out the fog. Or better yet, explain to a millennial what a “checkbook” is!
Oxford and Commas
As journalists ourselves, we can respect this Twitter user's need for grammar clarity, trying to figure out if the BBC uses a hyphen or an n-dash in its syntax.
But since this tweet got precisely zero responses, the only thing we can surmise is that @mistermaher was turned down for the job after using an m-dash after the “and.” Better luck next time — and we’re serious about that (see what we did there?).
Arrested Attention Span
Oh, right, it’s 100 percent OK with the boss that you’re watching TV on your computer while you’re supposed to be working. Totally OK!
After all, “Arrested Development” is a great show, and if you have to ask this question about your office, chances are you would be a perfect addition to the cast, mate!
You Won’t See that on ‘Jeopardy!’
Remember how they keep predicting that the machines are going to take over, a la “The Terminator”? Well, judging by Google suggesting that the Granite State is somehow a small part of the City of Brotherly Love, we’d wager there’s little to worry about.
How this ever came up at this person’s office is a whole other mystery!
Is This Word Even Being Used Correctly?
Chances are, the person who used “eccentric” in the staff meaning didn’t even know what it means.
But that’s why we enjoy our eccentric (synonyms: unconventional, peculiar, anomalous) coworkers, right?
Buffing Up on Immigration Law
For just a moment, let’s set aside that “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” was fictional (duh!), and let’s take @Nmgm22’s question at face value when it comes to the book, “The Secret History of Elizabeth Tudor, Vampire Slayer.” (Also, never mind that it takes place when Queen Elizabeth I was on the throne — long before the U.S. was founded.)
It’s possible that Lizzy could get an H-2B foreign worker program. But if she becomes a resident of the USA, she’ll need a green card … and to promptly renounce her throne!
Don’t Text and Work
Not to scare you, @kserving, but at least in theory, your boss could ask you to hand over your phone, so he or she could see what you’ve been texting.
Ergo, if you’ve been texting Christa from accounting about what a pill the boss is, don’t be shocked if you’re caught text-slagging the boss and get reprimanded.
Uh, ‘Non-Edible’ What?
Granted, it’s a new day and cannabis laws have been significantly relaxed in a great number of states, but whoever this is may want to explore the laws governing “non-edible” 420 being shipped across state lines.
Or maybe we’re wrong and the non-edible items in question are … candles. You wouldn’t eat them, would you?
Someone Got a Raise!
If you have to ask how many cases you can fit in the trunk of your Porsche, odds are you’re overpaid.
Or misappropriating company funds. Or Elon Musk.
I’m on a Boat!
Whoever posed this question clearly works at an office with some serious cash to flash around if they can rent the entire boat for the holiday party.
We’re lucky if we get a thank you card in December (spoiler alert: we didn’t).
There’s Absolutely No Award for This
If you’re the first person to show up at the office, chances are you’re a classic overachiever. You know the type: the one who sat in the front row in school, always read way ahead of the assignment and constantly had their hand raised begging to give the answer.
Well, now that person is at the office at 5 a.m., just to show up everyone else. Good luck making work friends, @IrinaTheNerd, but at least your Twitter handle shows your not afraid to own it.